I don’t know exactly when it started, and I can’t pinpoint the first symptom. But at 46 years old, I’d say I’m well and truly in the throes of perimenopause. I’ve always been someone who’s struggled with filters, but this new era has ushered me straight into the promised land of no fucks given, no filters applied, and possibly no friends left.
It started subtly, sometime after I turned 40. Things that wouldn’t have usually bothered me suddenly caused heart palpitations at 2 a.m. I thought it was my husband, it may well be but we’ll get to that another time., but i could no longer sleep in the same bed as him. I started feeling overwhelmed at the smallest thing and found myself craving more time alone. Anxiety would rear its ugly head over the most random thoughts. Like, “Do we still have a window warranty? What if the window gets smashed?”
I mean, what?! In the clear light of day, that’s not even a real problem. But at 2 a.m., with my heart racing and a pool of sweat collecting on my chest, it felt like a looming catastrophe.
Then came other signs. My hair began falling out in clumps. I developed a new fondness for tinnitus. And the sadness? Oh, the sadness. It was this unshakable weight I couldn’t quite explain. I’ve always been a glass-half-full kind of girl, but this wave of melancholy would hit me like a train. Sure, I could mask it during the day and distract myself. But then night came. The dead of the night, to be precise. Suddenly, all my senses were cranked up, like some twisted superpower I never asked for.
Living in my own body started feeling like a full-time job. There’s so many internal maintenance issues going on that I honestly couldn’t give a shit about the externals anymore. I’ve embarked on the path of righteous truth-telling.
Oh, and let’s talk about this lovely little addition: the white stringy stuff in my mouth. A quick Google search informed me it’s oral thrush. Apparently:
The white film in your mouth is caused by the candida fungus, a naturally occurring yeast in your body. Usually, this fungus is kept under control by other bacteria, but sometimes mitigating factors can lead it to grow out of control.
Basically, mitigating factors include perimenopause – fun’! I’ve actually got much a build of fungus in my body, I’m practically Fungus the Bogeymans wife Mildew. A couple of months back, I nearly got sepsis from athlete’s foot, i had to take antibiotics intravenously! And as if that wasn’t enough, the consistency of most of my menstruation has turned into <drum roll> snot. Yep, we’re talking snotty periods now. To visualise it feels a bit like raw egg, but replace the yolk with period blood. Fabulous!
So far, my perimenopausal checklist includes:
- Egg Periods that are on a swinging pendulum of really heavy to light
- Hot flushes and night sweats. (The hot flushes have leveled up to pins-and-needles-in-my-face territory. Fun times.)
- Hair falling out in clumps. (Picture me crying in the shower, trying to untangle my comb, giving my hair a tug, and—ta-da!—ending up with a bald spot the size of a 50p coin.)
- And the grand finale: mood swings, irritability, anxiety, and depression. Truly liberating symptoms.
Oh, and I’m not done yet i have more. Part 2 and 3 are to follow Belt up we are in for a ride!
Leave a Reply