I know I have to blog anonymously if I want to be able to write as freely as I think. My brain has already applied a filter to some of my memories—one that restricts my ability to type about some bigger issues. The procrastination blocker comes into play. I know the topic, but I don’t know how to articulate it and where to start.
I’ve written one post that’s saved in my drafts. I want to post it, but I don’t want people to judge the people in my story. I know I can’t control how you read my posts and your perception. If you asked the people in my story their perception of the same events, there would be differences. Everyone has their own story and version of events. If the individuals were in survival mode during our interaction, they were doing everything they could to make it through. I am not always the best version of myself. I have fucked up a bunch of times. Would have, should have, and could have! But that shouldn’t stop me from sharing my version of the story. If I am telling the story, I have healed from it.
Don’t get me wrong. I am an overthinking rage machine as I go through the healing phase. But once it’s worked its way through my system, I learn the lesson and draw the boundary. Do I want to? No. In an ideal world, I want to trust people to do what they should. But that’s not the world we live in.
The first time I learned about boundaries was in therapy (the first time). I was 40 at the time. I had no idea—I thought the reason people treated you like shit was to better you. I overthought every scenario to see if my behaviour was a catalyst in every situation. I allowed people to hide behind the culture veil. It didn’t feel right. It made me feel so bad as a person, and I was constantly trying to surround myself with more traditional people to ‘better’ myself. Instead, it just made it clearer how different I actually was.
Writing anonymously gives me the freedom to write as freely as my brain allows. To try and connect with people as my authentic self.
The perils of anonymous writing are getting feedback from trusted sources. They need to be close enough to be trusted but feature favourably in all my posts.
I also have to write in secret, away from my family. The mum When they see me at my laptop, they know they have to back out of the room. Or, if I’m in the living room on the sofa and they come in, I have to either shield my screen or shut the laptop.
What do other anonymous bloggers do? Any hints or tips?
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