I feel some people go through life collecting memories — I might be cultivating icks.
My ick journey started off quite normal: people eating with their mouths open. Like, normal-normal. It wasn’t considered good manners and was pretty easy to explain.
It all started with Rahella and a Kit Kat at school. The first time it happened, she was eating a Kit Kat. Instead of just chewing, she half-rolled it onto her tongue and then out of her mouth. Brown, with crispy bits. She looked like a cat lapping milk — except she was regurgitating chocolate. It was horrific. I was mesmerised and disgusted at the same time..
This has increased in complexity as the years have gone on. Perimenopause has taught me that one simple ick can have many, many layers.
I’ll try to start with my most normal ones, then move onto the ones that would make me sound deranged if I explained them out loud. I am deranged, but it’s not a pleasing trait, so I can only unleash her in small doses. Let’s call them special occasions. This is also for the safety of those around me.
Still, I like deranged. She’s like a cleanse for the soul. The aftermath, though, is exhausting — putting out all those fires you started with your flamethrower.
The gateway icks
- People eating with a small teaspoon yet still loading it up. The issue is vessel-to-load ratio. The movement from plate to mouth has to be fast. It’s like watching a fucking eating contest. Slow the fuck down and get a bigger spoon.
- Burping. No explanation needed. But once, my dad ate yoghurt with crushed nuts, turmeric, and grated raw garlic for breakfast. On a drop-off to the airport, I was sitting behind him in the car when he burped. The smell of garlic and curd hit my mouth and nose at the same time. I threw up in my mouth and had to swallow it back down. Easier than saying anything. That moment escalated the burping ick.
The deeper layers
- Using a drink to gargle after eating. It’s fucking disgusting. I’d honestly prefer you masturbated in front of me.
- Sucking air in and out of your mouth furiously as a means to floss. It sounds like a snake with a lisp.
- When people move their head closer to the plate to eat instead of sitting up. It reminds me of a dog eating.
- Sucking food off a spoon, or taking a deep inhale as the food nears the lips. The hand can travel inside the mouth—so why? Is it excitement? If you do this, please comment below.
- Using a scrapey plate and then scraping again and again. It feels like I’m being tasered.
- Eating ice-cream — especially mochi balls — when the technique includes sucking. I have to dissociate from my body to cope.
Conclusion
I wonder if I’d tried to weed out the original ick, would I be in this situation now? I could’ve done sound baths to clense my chakras, maybe a rage rooms. Then i wouldn’t be in the Japanese knotweed situation i am in.. Because once it takes root, you can’t treat the issue without causing serious structural damage.
My icks are part of me now, mutating by the day. Just making it through without bringing out deranged is becoming a full-time job.
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