Recent scientific research shows that “Women are happier without children or a spouse.”
Is that something we’re allowed to talk about now? Science equals facts.
I forgot myself — I’m 48, I am married and have two children.
According to this research, I’m officially unhappier than all my single female friends.
This goes against everything I was ever taught growing up.
My upbringing was very much: if a woman is not married and doesn’t have a child — what is she?
Turns out… she’s fucking happy!
It’s something I’ve assumed, but for some reason it’s not talked about in my circles.
Married women are conditioned to project contentment.
Single female friends play their role — focusing on the negatives. Complaining, “Where have all the good men gone?”
I gesture round with my eyes — these are the “good” men!
A couple of months after getting married, I went out with my uni friends.
After a couple of drinks, I started talking about how difficult it was living with my in-laws.
One of my married male (Indian) friends placed his hand on mine.
In a whisper, he said — focus on the positives, don’t talk about problems.
PAUSE
Single people get to share their negatives.
Such as feelings of loneliness and unhappiness.
I find myself whispering,
Please take my husband and children. Just let me keep my duvet and mattress.
One friend said, “It’s so lonely, especially when you’re ill. No one takes care of you.”
Is that what she thinks? The benefit of having children and a husband is that you get looked after when you are ill?
When I get ill, I still have to drag my sorry, sweaty body out of bed.
I have to find shit, organise shit, drop shit off.
I had Covid on my son’s birthday one year.
I went down to make him breakfast before school. By the time I’d opened the bread bag, I was exhausted.
I stood by the toaster and cried as the bread browned.
My son came down and asked me where the decorations were?
The party don’t stop when I stop.
My only saving grace was at 9pm. I got to have 20ml of Night Nurse in a small shot glass.
Which I tongue out for extra self-care!
One single friend told me she wanted to find herself.
So she took two years off work and travelled the world — and found herself.
What?
I have to find myself in spare time! In a car park, on my hands and knees, looking for change.
As my Ringo app refuses to remember me, I wonder how my life came to this!
And honestly? I’m too tired to find myself.
This version will have to do.
Suppress feelings.
Smile.
Show less teeth.
Ensure your eyes don’t look too mental.
And drop your shoulders.
One friend said she was really lonely. She didn’t like coming home to an empty house, so she got a puppy.
I saw her two weeks later — she didn’t look her usual put-together self. She looked more like… well, she looked more like me.
She explained that the puppy was waking up and crying at 4am.
It was also shitting and pissing everywhere.
Wait — what?
Only wakes up once in the night, at 4am?
And it shits twice a day?
She told me she was going to therapy to cope with it all.
Her therapist told her it was very common — it was called puppy blues.
She told me she now has a dog walker to do the longer walk of the day.
Two weeks in — she’d already organised a therapist appointment and received a diagnosis.
I’ve been suppressing my issues since the early 2000s.
My coping mechanism is to catch them, put them in a box, and store them.
I know they’ll resurface at my 3am wake-up call.
I only have one friend who gave me a glimmer of the perks of single life.
Over dinner she leant in and said,
“Babe, your manager is so nice to you. Do you want me to fuck him for you?”
Imagine that — the freedom of offering sexual gratification to anyone at will.
A friendly gesture.
In my current status, I wouldn’t be able to reciprocate.
And that makes me feel sad.
Before I end, I want to add that I do love my children and husband.
There’s no need to call anyone.
I just want you to know, I know.
When I look at all your opportunities, freedom, and time — I am a little sick in my mouth.
You broke the matrix and kept the secret well hidden.
I see you and salute you.
Suppress the feelings.
Smile.
Show less teeth.
Ensure your eyes don’t look too mental.
And drop your shoulders.
Lights camera action!
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